I’m tired of being overweight. I’m tired of being too ashamed of my body to go out in public. I’m tired of taking hours to try on outfits because nothing fits right or hides my fat well enough. I’m tired of having to wear jeans all throughout the summer because my legs look too disgusting in shorts. I’m tired of having to wear tight, uncomfortable things just to appear skinnier. I’m tired of hiding under my towel at the beach. I’m tired of being the fat girl out of my group of friends. I’m tired of wearing huge sweatshirts every single day just to appear smaller. I’m tired of not feeling equal as everyone else. I’m tired of being put in this category. I’m tired of being scared to eat in public because of what people think of me. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of giving up and failing. And it’s all my fault because I don’t have any motivation. I hate my looks so much, so what difference would being fit make? On weekends its always about doing homework and having no one to hang out with. I can only name three people who would like hanging out with me on weekends, so I use that as an excuse to eat, and eating bad food makes you happy, for obvious neurological reasons. And every minute spent at the gym feels like a waste bc it means starting over everytime i just go a whole week eating grossly. But i want friends and i want to be leas lonely and i want to pass grade nine. I switched schools for the most stressful reasons now i dont even know what in doing with my education. Im literlly failing three of my classes and when im at home i just cry when i think about doing homework. On instagram i see everyone happy and together with friends and i feel so hopeless. I hate that i can only wear 10 things from my closet out of 50. Today its 25 degrees and all my friends are at the beach and i wish someone would ask me to go but i would say no because i cant go out in shorts or a tank my fat is fucking everywhere. I have so much homework to do and i have to workout and my acne is so terrible and i have to wax all my facial hair like i do every sunday. I just wish i hadnt gained 30 pounds in grade eight and i wish i had friends who want to hang out with me and i wish i was attractive and less hairy. I came home early from the gym literally having done nothing because half the guys from my old school were there. Now i have to do videos and do homework and my friends are outside on this beautiful day. I might even have to repeat science next year bc im doing seven chapters online and i sont get it and math ia so hard fuck i hate being insecure.
And i wish i could rant without feeling like an annoying pathetic and whiney teenager looking for compliments or pity. When i complain about this stuff i fucking hate when i get compliments and empathy. I just want to let my feelings out somewhere